Thursday, January 28, 2010

Sing along with Neil Sedaka

Getting dressed is hard to do… Well, maybe those aren’t Sedaka’s words exactly but they work with the tune and are just as true as what he had to say. 

Now that I think of it “breaking up” is easier than getting dressed.   To break up all that’s required is a phone call which you could make in your pajamas, without even brushing your teeth.  But getting dressed requires changing out of those same comfortable pajamas, taking a shower - which includes washing hair, body, face (each with something different), shaving, drying, moisturizing, brushing and flossing teeth and putting on makeup.

Now depending on your personal style this makeup thing can be a snap or take up to 45 minutes.  When you go to the Trish counter, before they sell you anything they determine your makeup style.  I am a 10-minute or less type but on most days that still means a little foundation or concealer (hmmm, forgot that this morning, better go check for dark circles - BRB),

OK I’m back and FYI concealer was required. - damn those new martini glasses

….some carefully applied blush or bronzer, eyebrow color and combing, a little eyeshadow, eyeliner, eyelash curler, mascara, lip balm, lip stick and liner.  Whew!  When I write it all down like that it seems ridiculous!

Now it’s time to style your hair - comb, brush, blow dryer, styling products if you use them, perhaps a curling iron, straightener or a curler or two, and then maybe even some hairspray.  Check it all out in the mirror.

Check your mani and pedi and make any necessary repairs. This mean removing any chipped polish and scheduling an appointment for a re-paint if necessary.  Absolutely no touching up that one big toe or pointer finger. (Some leeway here is you will be wearing closed toed shoes .)

Now It’s on to choosing something to wear (which could take hours - you know the process so I don‘t have to spell it out.  When I was working I used to choose my clothes the night before and then the next day I would not feel like wearing what I had selected so might as well have waited until the morning anyway, and I have a question.  Does anyone iron anymore? Because I always seem to need to iron whatever I choose to wear even if it was unwrinkled when I put it away but there are no ironing boards in any of the places we live)

…and then you have to get into whatever you’ve chosen (and hopefully that doesn’t require that you stuff yourself into tights in addition to bra and panties because that is a really bad way to have to start a day and please oh please tell me you‘re not still wearing controltop pantyhose. I‘m not even discussing Spanx and the like - used to call them girdles until women got smart - and now Oprah has dummed us down again like it really makes any difference for her anyhow), now choose jewelry to go with what you are wearing, and then, of course, decide that different earrings will work better so change those.

Hopefully, you can just slip on your shoes and maybe buckle and ankle strap because at those times when I have to actually bend down and tie them, well, I figure that is enough exercise right there.

And speaking of exercise, because usually if you are tying shoes they are sneakers and unless you like the look of large white shoes sticking out from beneath the hem of your jeans (which I personally think is a look that requires a citation from the fashion police)*, if you are tying shoe laces you are probably heading out to exercise and you wouldn’t have gone through all the steps above in preparation.  Well, if you are headed to a gym you may have put on  makeup because some of the women there look like they have dressed for a date - which I assume they are at least attempting to attract.  Personally, I prefer to sweat barefaced and I don’t really pay a lot of attention to what I wear since my exercise of preference is yoga.  I just care that I am comfortable and since you take off your shoes anyway there is generally no tying involved as I wear flip-flops to class.  But what I can’t stand is that usually I have gone through the dressing thing earlier in the day and then after yoga class I have to do it all again.  There is something totally wrong with that!

But I ramble…

Time to check out the total package in a full-length mirror  (and, Please, turn around and check out your backside - a change of clothing may be required) because you do not want to go out of the house looking like those people at WalMart who obviously do not own a full-length mirror because if they do and they went out looking like that anyway they should be shot.  So if you don’t own a full length mirror then get thee to WalMart and buy one - NOW!

I mean since you are going out anyway.  At least I assume you are going out or else why would you be getting dressed since you were wearing comfortable pajamas when all this started and no one in their right mind would change out of pajamas just to stay at home - unless of course you are expecting guests but  even then there are pajamas designed for wearing while entertaining and since it’s your house you don’t have to get dressed unless you want to.

After dinner each night, my grandfather would undress down to his boxers and t-shirt - which were probably his pajamas -and sit in his favorite chair to watch TV.  He smoked and on the side table were always an ashtray, a lighter and a box of chocolates (no real connection to the story just an interesting tidbit about the chocolates I think) Anyway, if someone called to say they were coming over he would usually just go to bed to keep from having to get dressed again (smart man!) but if you dropped by without calling he would just sit there in his “pajamas” because it was his house and he could wear what he wanted particularly in front of someone too ill-mannered to call before coming over.

Which brings me to the political point of my story.  I think Mao was right, well  actually he was left but he was a very smart man.

Anyone who knows me knows that my politics tend to be far left however I do take issue with some of the points in the Little Red Book but that is not what I am talking about here.

The man wore his pajamas.  All the time. 

And he mandated that everyone else do the same.  I say, what is wrong with that?  

We don’t have to think just communist gray, black or khaki.  We could wear colors or stripes or paisley or foulard.  On casual Friday maybe even break out our favorite cartoon character jim-jams and hit the street.  Think of the time savings - and all that improved morale - not to mention the energy available to put to the task at hand rather than wasted on that ridiculous dressing routine. (But wear shoes peeps)

                                                                    Real shoes!

There used to be a restaurant in Chicago where the waiters served brunch in their pajamas every Sunday and the customers were invited to wear theirs as well.   What a concept! Why save it only for Sunday? 

Mao was onto something and I think we would all be well-served to follow suit (pun intended).

And now that I am dressed and exhausted, I need a nap to recover from the effort.  Where did I put those PJs.

* Clearly the description of dressing is directed to my female friends but guys have their own routine as well -  although when they decide to forego all that effort, and not shower or shave for instance, we just chalk it up to being male and don’t seem to worry about it.  And as for the white sneakers - a guy can look really good in a nice fitting pair of jeans and clean white sneakers.   Clean is the operative word here.

1 comment:

  1. There's a reason why I hosted New Years in PJs and pearls. Also? I never, ever, ever take off my robe unless I absolutely have to. Also? Leggings are God's gift because they are stretchy and comfy and perfect for when you need to be seen in public but don't feel like actually getting dressed.